Bodysnatcher!
by Thefilmfanatics
Summary: Toni goes on to a trip to switzerland in which a disasterous event occurs. Will Toni be able to get out of the mess she has quite suddenly found herself in? Plz read and review first fanfic
1. Default Chapter

We don't own anything especially not from POTC and sadly we don't own Switzerland either

Switzerland, the mountains, the rushing river... the geography teachers?? Toni thought that a chance to Switzerland would be the opportunity of a lifetime but it was the general geography studying that was getting her down. Mr Cotton had once again felt another geography moment coming on. This meant that Toni had to sit there on the side of a rather steep drop for half an hour under the extreme heat of the sun whilst he talked about glaciers. Looking around Toni wondered how in the world a glacier would survive in this heat but hey. She rolled her eyes at her best friend Jen who's pretty much thinking the same thing. Right, well finally Mr Cotton had stopped whittering on and Toni was movin' out. Well actually no, Toni wasn't going anywhere. Having walked 10 miles the day before as well as 3 miles today, Toni found to her embarrassment that her joints were stiff and her legs wouldn't hold her up anymore. Not that she blamed them of course but still.... Therefore she promptly sat back down again with a slight oof. Having left civilisation a while back Toni thought that an ice cream would be nice right about now. But no such luck, she was stuck with some very uninteresting strange geography teachers and no ice cream. Jen helped her up with a grin and Toni rose to her feet, scowling good naturedly and they were on her way again. Mrs Smith then started to jump up and down excitedly, she had spotted a waterfall. Toni sighed; it was after all the sixth one in an hour.

She left Mrs Smith, who had become quite excited at the sight of a flower (personally Toni was quite worried that she might faint with excitement) and followed after Mr Cotton. As Toni rounded the corner, she was hit with the spectacular sight of a gorge and it was quite impressive. It had steep sides and the river rumbled through it, away into the valley. Mr Cotton strode in and Toni trudged in after him. She was slightly worried at the instability of the bridge but as Mr Cotton was striding ahead confidently, she followed. The red warning sign stopped her for a moment, however it was written in German and after three years of doing German Toni had no idea what it said. As Mr Cotton stepped onto the rotten wood it creaked threateningly. Toni strode on regardless, the wood snaps and she freefell, Jen screaming wordlessly as Toni plummeted into the rapids.

Some time later....

The voices above Toni were somewhat familiar although somewhat hazy. Then the faces suddenly come into focus. 'Mary Mother of God's' Gibbs turned to Anamaria. Whoa what on earth are they doing here? Toni was sure that pirates in Switzerland weren't very common; there was no sea for one. However as Toni began to rub her head on Gibbs had more to say. 'This is your fault, tis bad luck to bring a woman aboard.' Anamaria shot him a killer look and Toni couldn't really blame her he's obviously been on about this topic for some time. Well Toni thought if Gibbs and Anamaria are here then.... Toni recognised the trinkets of beads and there is the infamous Captain Jack Sparrow however he hasn't said anything much yet.

Now Toni's mind began to backtrack. She remembered plummeting to her death into the rapids however now she realised that she was on an infamous pirate ship. 'Amazing' Toni thought 'That was some very quick reincarnation process or by some freak miracle I have ended up on the sea of a totally fictional world.' Toni looked down and realised that someone had a very sick sense of humour. It appeared (cough) that Toni's consciousness was in Will Turner's body, Toni's mind screamed in protest 'Oh Jesus no!' closed down and so came the darkness that Toni welcomed with open arms.


	2. Fly, my pigeons, Fly

Much to my utter despair we do not own anything, ANYTHING, (_now breaking down into sobs)_

Chapter 2

When Toni come round again she found herself lying pretty much where she fell. She sat up and realised there was nobody else around apart from Anna-Maria at the helm. Toni immediately began to regret sitting up so fast as her head started to spin. Making her way drunkenly across the deck she decided to go down to the galley for food. Somehow Toni knew exactly which way to go even though she had never been there before. The food was not bad but she was not paying much attention to what she was eating as she was still pondering the reason why she was here. Once Toni had finished eating she decided to go back out on deck to think about everything and perhaps to find Gibbs to tell one of those great stories that has hardly any truth to them. Once up there Toni only found Jack up at the helm instead of Anna-Maria. Deciding to bug him instead Toni slowly sneaked her way up to him and pounced. With a whirl Jack spun around and Toni found the sharp pointy end of his stick at her throat.

'Oh it's only you whelp!' Jack puts away his sword and carries on steering

Toni realised that this was the limit of conversation and began to turn away then he spoke again 'quite a fall you had, worse than before.'

A voice inside Toni's head suddenly spoke up which did not sound like her own but it must have been because why would anybody else be in her head. The voice said quite clearly what's got him all concerned all of a sudden. Suddenly Toni's mouth opened and what came out was quite unexpected

'Well, what can I say I must have been eating more lately'

This wonderful exchange of words between Toni and the infamous Captain Jack Sparrow was suddenly interrupted by Gibb's shout. 'The pigeons are coming, the pigeons'

'Pigeon's' thought Toni. 'What arggh' She had just been attacked by one of the miniature flame breathing pigeons that the Navy now had in their employ. Once you were attacked by a flame breathing pigeon then they would deliver their message. Pretty pointless really because you tend not to read mail if your trying to put the flames, that are devouring you, out. Jack picked up the letter that the pigeon had dropped and read out what it said. Needless to say the news was not good after all it was from the king's royal navy and if they had sent a pirate a letter well you know figure it out for yourselves. The pigeon that had delivered the letter was now beating a hasty retreat away from Gibb's hose and it flew across to a boat that was 100m away and getting closer.

'Ah Captain, what did the letter say?' asked Anna-Marie

'Simple' replied Jack 'We'd be under attack'

and with that all hell broke loose!


	3. Flying llamas

How many times, we don't own anything. Well I own a rather nice hat and Jacki has a rather nice hairstyle but that's about it!

Toni sat in the brig of The Victory and thought about the finer ironies of life. Typically the name of the ship just had to rub in the fact that the pirates had lost this round. Toni shifted slightly so the chains holding her didn't chafe as badly. The battle, thinking about it the whole thing had gone wrong from the start. At first there were the fire breathing pigeons, not really that wonderful when ships are made from wood. Next there were the cannonballs which whipped through the mast and snapped it as if it was wood. Then there was the boarding, Toni cringed in remembrance as well as the fire breathing pigeons, the army had brand new technology in the form of whooping Mexican llamas, 52 of them to be precise, which was a lot seeing as there were only 32 members of crew. Norrington could be seen from the sky seeing as he was riding a huge llama in a particular dashing shade of pink. At the first sign of these llamas several crew members had dived overboard thinking that they had the madness.

Toni looked over to Jack who was probably still reminiscing over the loss of his ship. Not that it had been blown up but instead it was now under Navy command. '

I truly don't know what is worse' said a voice

'What?' startled Toni looked around, several of the pirates gave her odd looks.

'Look inside' said the voice

Toni looked and saw to her immediate curiosity that there appeared to be another sentient being within her. Coming to the final conclusion that this was Will Turner took another second.

'Oh no' thought Toni, 'this is definitely not my day'

'Hey I heard that,'

'Ok what do you want?'

'Look you need to escape from here'

'Well duh, so what do I do?'

'You wait for instructions!'

Toni thought this extremely helpful and said so,

'I am meant to WHAT?'

'I will contact you at a later time'

Well that pretty much took the biscuit for Toni, feeling well and truly fed up she decided to doze. Toni was woken several moments later to the yells of Captain Jack Sparrow as he was unchained and led away. That can't be good, we're still moving thought Toni, and found to her surprise that she and the rest of the crew were unchained and led up to the deck. To her utter surprise and horror, on the deck, was a portable gallows. Ah this was not good!

Will, Will do you have any ideas? Toni thought this an ideal time to consult her inner being

'No not yet'

'I thought you said you had a plan'

'Ah well I did, unfortunately that involved us being on land'

'Ahh well that' b a problem'

As the scene unfolded Toni spotted Norrington's smug face, although she did have to distinguish between him and his llama. Jack was definitely not winning any brownie points with going along quietly and as one of the Navy put a bag over his head, the crew looked towards Toni expectedly. She had no idea what to do, but as the executioner went tom pull the lever, she called out

'STOP, I thought your navy did everything within the rules?'

'That would be true pirate; we do not lower ourselves to your standards of bedlam'

'Then where, is that pompous ass who reads out charges?'

The look that crossed Norrington's face was beyond words

'Gillette' he yelled literally apoplectic with rage

Yes Commodore

You appear to have forgotten something

Yes and what is that sir

You can't have a public hanging if there's no one to read out the charges

Ah sir, but ….. I have an idea sir

Yes?

Toni could only hear the whispered the mumblings as the Commodore and Lieutenant Gilette, no doubt planned something worse than death for Jack. As Norrington turned and began to cackle evilly she could see that she had not been wrong in this assumption. As the crew held their breath Norrington spoke

'You pirate, are going to walk the plank'

The crew gave a sigh of relief; this was something Jack could do with his hands tied behind his back. The next thing Norrington said was not quite so wonderful

'Blindfolded, with a rope between your teeth'

Nope this news was not good; there was no way that Jack was going to survive this one. Whilst the crew were fixated on the action in front, Toni was trying to get the attention of one of the nearby fire breathing miniature pigeons.

'Brrr, brrr,' said Toni

'Brrr, brr' said the pigeon

Now only the most talented people can speak to pigeons. And Toni was especially skilled. Toni told the pigeon about Trafalgar square with free food and no work. The pigeon thought this a wonderful place and asked where it was. To which Toni replied, destroy that sail and I will tell you!

Unfortunately the pigeon mistook Norrington's head for a white sail, Norrington's arms went flailing about and Jack ended up in the water.

'Jack' screamed Toni and her inner voice also screamed at the same time. Although what happened next came as a surprise to everyone!

Review to read on


	4. and then Jack fell into

Chapter three

I do not own anything Pirates of the Caribbean related apart from the dvd and a poster or two or three...Anyway the name Toni wasn't even our idea but its ok we nicked it from a mate, who said she didn't mind or so Jacki said :p. I also own a wonderful hat and Jacki still has her hair so we are all happy!

When Jack fell off the boat, he wasn't exactly expecting it nor was anyone else for that matter. He was hoping that something would happen before the inevitable did. Halfway through the fall Jack managed to turn and dive into the water, ok so that was Jack's plan and it didn't exactly work out. As he spun mid air, he looked down and to his surprise saw a massive sperm whale with gaping jaws. He was wondering what relevance this had to the plot line in general when he was swallowed whole.

Back on deck all eyes were on the spot where each had last seen Jack and the whale. Toni, still chained, had run over to the side of the ship and was about to heroically dive in after hiw when she was pulled back by Anna maria and Gibbs, still chained, so this was quite a feat. She struggled for a time and then just gave up. During this the only other movement was coming from Norrington who had fallen on his llama which had rather fortunately drooled on his wig and so the fire was no more. A pigeon sat a few feet away looking rather smug. With a grunt both Norrington and his fluorescent pink llama righted themselves and simultaneously turned to see where the pirate had gone but Jack was nowhere to be seen.

'Where did he go to?'

Toni wriggled her shoulders as if to say I dunno what you asking me for, I'm not even from this century, do you know that I'll probably be relaying all this to a psychiatrist in a couple of years time. I mean I can talk to pigeons and look mate this is not my fault' all in all it was a pretty good wiggle. It also meant that the chains miraculously fell off her wrists. The naval sailors looked confused as she stopped wriggling but the look quickly turned to fear as she kicked the nearest naval officer and grabbed his sword, all in one motion. Before anyone knew what was happening the rest of the pirate crew were free and Toni was running full out towards Norrington.

As Toni slowly gained on her target, killing all who stood in her way which was about 20 odd, ok that might not sound that great to you but you are forgetting that the odds were roughly 20 to 1. Norrington who saw her coming was preparing himself with a couple of practice swings, whilst shouting encouragement and orders to his men

'Come on lads, they're just a bunch of pirates'

'Stop dying and start fighting'

'That's great, keep it up'

Eventually, after a slow motion moment of Toni running up to Norrington, who, in mid yawn managed a look of surprise, before turning completely to fight. They continued like that (still in slow motion) for a moment before everything sped up to fast forward mode and the whole fight scene appeared to be going double time. It was only when Cotton realised that his parrot was chewing on something that resembled a square shape with big buttons. (Someone had time travelled in left a remote control and quickly went again after assessing the situation). Taking it off the parrot, who gave an indignant squawk and left, he pressed the button that said play and once he was sure everything was back to normal (well as normal as could be expected) he chucked the remote overboard. This action ensured that he would forget about it for as well as being mute Cotton also had a short term memory and his parrot was highly unlikely to relate the tale with his limited vocabulary.

Soon the crew of the black pearl had defeated the naval officers and tied everything that was still alive around the mast and due to the pirates superior fighting skills well you can figure out the rest. Toni had come with a plan that would mean they would get the Pearl back. The crew of the Black Pearl had taken the uniforms from the 'still living' naval crew with Toni taking Norrington's coat and then placed the crew and bodies in the brig. They then signalled to the naval crew and explained that the wounded soldiers were below decks and that the pirates were still locked in the brig. After a majority of the naval soldiers came aboard to check on the prisoners and wounded, the pirates made their way back to their own ship killing the rest of the naval crew that had been left on board the Black Pearl.

The llamas had fled once the battle had started and were nowhere to be seen. The pirates began to celebrate their victory and teel of the heroic deeds that they may or may have not done. For example Gibbs swore that it was he who disabled the rudder chain when Cotton was sure that he had done it. The only one who wasn't celebrating was Toni who wondered about Jack. Just as she was thinking this she saw, out of the corner of her eye, saw the soaking wet form of Jack Sparrow coming out of his cabin. Pouncing on him and berating him for worrying her she heard him say

'Me room's full of trees!'


End file.
